pre-save collapse now!
i first wrote my new single, collapse almost two years ago after my first grindr hookup. unlike the song, it wasn’t exactly glamorous. in fact, it was just shy of anonymous. when i offered him a glass of water, he scoffed at me like i didn’t understand what this was. well, so much for hospitality. and then the hookup was mid! the nerve of this man. BUT who wants to write about a mid hookup?? so collapse is a bit of a revisionist history for that night.
still, even though i was completely out of my depth, and the sex (if you could call it that) was lackluster, i still felt really sexy. my first grindr hookup! i grew fucking wings. i crossed a threshold. no longer was sex something kept, precious, or anxious, it became something i could experience, enjoy (or not), and then toss away if i wanted to, whenever i wanted to. it was about the pursuit, the possibility, the “wya” text and the “here” text, the lust, the adrenaline, the freedom, and the disposability.
and now, two years later, i still cherish it: to want someone through the phone and to make that desire into a reality feels so powerful. you ever pull someone off instagram dms? yeah, it makes you feel like a superhero.
so maybe its a bit ridiculous to say, or type, or sing, but sometimes i want to fuck someone til we both collapse. what’s wrong with that!?!
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